Category Archives: familial

Long time no write

yep, Winston did strike and isolated us for a couple of weeks … power and some kind of normality is back now. But still more things to sort out.
My first cyclone … and right away the strongest ever recorded here in Fiji. Not an experience I want to share or wish anyone. We were lucky … the house stood still. But the trees around us got quite some damage. Luckily none of them damaged our house.
Good reminder as well to value the basic things of life. Shelter, Food, water, Family … how could we forget all that in such a short time? Human race is quite spoiled. I guess if we would look after each other more and value simple things again … lot of unnecessary death, war and hate could be avoided.
The challenge is now to come out of it much stronger and smarter, but that’s why it is called a “challenge”. There is only that much we can do ourselves … but at least we should do what’s possible ourselves and not wait for other to give, donate and share. yes of course donations are welcome and highly needed. However, we should not waste time and wait for help. Surely, you can find always something to do … then do it. Make sure it helps you and your community to grow.

I will try to be back online here for several reasons … to clear my mind, to train my writing style and to show the world that I have a voice too.

I decide to be happy and am doing it with love.

mixed emotions

Thoughts of the day (edited):

  • inspired
  • keep moving, do the boring parts and then do the excited things, don’t lose track
  • write everything down you are doing … she will come back later at some point and want the details!
  • Mixed emotions

Yeah, I love those days when you are motivated in the morning. And even better when this feeling last throughout the day. The art is to keep it at that level, no matter what comes your way. And there are days it works and days where it not works. To master that kind of art you need an huge amount of willpower and you need to know what you want. With those two ingredients, you could be unstoppable. But surely everyone know how easy it is to slip off the track, to find distraction (are we looking for it in the first place?).

So, why mixed emotions then? I thought about this several times already … when things go well at work, there is a high probability that there are issues at home and vice versa. Maybe that is meant to be the balanced life. But why can’t we have both … feeling good at work and in family? When I come home from work with a good mood, why can’t I keep it up sometimes?

something to think about …

displaying an excessively critical point of view

Thoughts of the day (edited)

  • I am ok with getting up at 6am on a Saturday and doing some gardening
  • it is not ok, that I did not my Yoga session and I did not write my blog, I am falling behind
  • the presence of hubby is distracting … that is a challenge for me, to stay on track. Of course I want to have him at home, but it should not make me lose the sight of my/our goals
  • it’s a very strong the feeling being judgmental, having an opinion about someone, so how to avoid to be judgmental?
  • When someone asks for my opinion, I am asked to be judgmental, no?
  • everybody is thinking it, I am the stupid and naive one, who writes it in an email
  • club with the tuvu girls – Tuvu Lewa
  • talk to hubby about savings from his side, health, planning and goals
  • get more structure at home (I think too much resting)
  • zenhabits … here we go again

It is always an ever-growing or ever-demanding system. If you are doing a little today, you go to a next stage with more discipline, more love and more focus. And then the time will come when you will be able to have that echo in others; you will be able to create an impact in others.

Kamlesh D. Patel, Designing Destiny (2nd edn., 2016, unpublished), p. 0

I guess there will always be days like this. The challenge is to just keep going and not to give up.

Having goals is great, but implementing them is the challenge and staying on track. Even the own family can throw you out of the path sometimes. Have to plan this in.

Yes, I was judgmental again, but I keep fighting it. Maybe sometimes I just have to keep quiet. Above I have found some resources on how to avoid being judgmental. Good read, both of them. The challenge is, when people ask you for your opinion, do they ask you to be judgmental? Or maybe it’s again just a matter what words you chose. I need to extend my vocabulary, English and German, being aware of that both can have two different meanings.

We had the idea to set up a club here at Tuvu, will see if we can start it next week. Grog or no grog? Would be good to do some savings. Curios how this will go.

Saving and budgeting is something everyone should do. One should develop the discipline to do that. I do some savings already, but we need to set up a system for hubby as well. Not that easy when you get paid cash, the temptation to spend the money is there right away.

One of the links above is from zen habits. I used to follow that guys a couple of years ago. Was wondering what he is up to now, so I subscribed again, after I found him googling for my judging problem.

The definition of being judgmental is the title of today’s post … Excessively critical point of view. Looks like I have to soften up a bit. I also smell some habits I’ve got from my dad. Interesting journey!

Lack of sleep

Thoughts of the day (edited):

  • unsocial me is coming out … accepting compromises so I can avoid people
  • some work is very time-consuming; especially frustrating when it is low priority work
  • Getting into the yoga habbit, but still struggling to avoid black tea with sugar in the morning; would be easier if there were any fruits at home.
  • yeah, another email from mentor … with sooooo many questions
  • metabolism still not back to normal, as I am now on 150mg thyroxin – still too slow
  • I am getting kind of upset when I am not able to attend even my online courses, however I did manage to write email to my cousin … but then I got soooo tired. Remember I am sleeping less than 6 hours every day.
  • Someone is obese and people say, that they look beautiful … what do they mean? The look or the person? Surely she might be a beautiful person inside, but she is still obese?
  • Why do I feel humiliated when they laugh about me? Or do they laugh at me? What’s the difference?
  • I am very disappointed in the German magazine Spiegel and Stern. Jungle camp in the top news? Is this what the nation has to know? Also, everytime you see at least one nude or nude-like pictures on their websites.
  • Yeahhhh, Daddy is back from fishin 🙂
  • inconsistency in writing the blog/journal
  • hubby busy in the garden, happy he is doing his part
  • If really everything grows what we have planted … whew … so much eggplant and pawpaw

So, it hump day and Daddy decided to come home from fishing … yummy, lolo fish … my favourite. Thank goodness for coconuts. But it also brings another hand for the garden. We did quite some clean up done and I could focus on planting and transplanting. As I said, if everything fruits what we have planted … I better open up a market stall right in front of my house.

There are moments where my introvert behaviour is very dominant. I avoid people. So what am I afraid of? They would say something, and then I might not understand it … the most awful feeling, for me at least. But what I need to work on extremely hard is not being judgmental. Very painful path for me. I am sure there is plenty more coming about that issue.

Work, I don’t like that word anymore. Because we need to understand that if we love what we do and we do what we love … this is not work. I have been giving the opportunity to only work on one thing, highest priority. However, other things come up, a kere kere here and a kere kere there. They know exactly it gets done. And yes, I love doing those things as well. So, I need to train our staff to be more independent and to not call my name for minor things. Good thing is I am in conversation with my mentor. And to work on that project, I really need to focus, put my mind into it. So sometimes I wish I had my own little corner where I could hide and do my work.

I am close to be on track with my thyroid again and the supplements. However, I have still in my mind to fix my thyroid just with the right food. Don’t come and tell me you have to eat fish. This I know … that’s not what is wrong with my thyroid. That’s another long story. I am still blaming my tiredness on the thyroid … too long under-functioned. Yes, I enjoyed the time where I was quite a bit hyper, but the side effects are just too dangerous. Being tired, is not helping when it comes to do some homework or evening school … my eyes are literally closing by itself. I am not allowed to lie down, I will fall asleep. Very challenging, especially when I want to put my baby boy to bed. ok, ok, ok … we leave it here. Will see how we go in the next couple of days.

Beautiful is a tricky word for me. And I just had to learn that a person can be beautiful from the inside. As I have mentioned above, I tend easily to judge people. So, excuse my words or when I hurt you … it is not the purpose of this note. I need to learn to observe myself. Every person has his/her own opinion about being beautiful. Yes, I am struggling with it when an obviously obese person get told she is a beautiful person. A person that is obviously unfit and unhealthy, is hurting him or herself and their families. That’s not nice, is it? So taking a picture, with a fancy dress and a piece of cake in front of you, doesn’t make you look beautiful (my thinking). This is just bitter irony. So, why can people comment on such a picture “oh, you look so beautiful”? I am sorry, I don’t get it. Maybe it is all about having fake friends to boost you confidence, I don’t know.

I am trying to keep up with the German news and so from time to time I have a look at the online magazine Der Spiegel und Der Stern. But what I see there is very disappointed. Jungle camp … a very low level TV show is listed up as one of the top stories. Really? Is this what this nation needs at the moment? Maybe I have spent already too much time with religious and spiritual people here in Fiji, but the nudity in both magazine is getting a bit too much for my taste. I need to change my source of information.

Whew, plenty of information and plenty of things to think about and change. Go for it!

Back to nature almost

Thoughts of the day (edited)

  • Got up early to water the garden and transplant pawpaw, cabbage and egg plant
  • Breakfast with mango-banana smoothy
  • Second breakfast oats, milk with banana
  • Lunch: rice and fried bele and poi in coconut oil, left over for dinner
  • sweeping and mopping
  • used our fireplace to cook first time … big learning
  • trying to finish a work document, but I am soooo tired
  • shared one ice cream with Franz and bought some biscuits
  • 2 cups of black tea with sugar

The main idea was to get up early and water the garden, and then go back to bed to baby boy. But my boy made a plan without me and woke up, when I just finished watering the garden. Anyway, we had 2 healthy breakfasts … played lots of things and we had fun. Just the 2 of us … perfect mother-son-bonding.

He decided to even give me plenty of time to clean up the house a bit during his morning nap. As I am hardly home, it was my first time to mop the house … yes, I did enjoy it 🙂

Before Mark went fishing, he made sure that the fireplace is ready to use. And I did try and succeeded … all the cooking happened on the fireplace. No other option, as the gas cylinder was empty anyway, hehe.

Baby boy and I decided to go for a walk in the afternoon. So we walked all the way to the shop, which is quite a distance for an almost 1.5 year old. So he deserved an icecream, I thought. Half way back home, he felt asleep on my shoulders. Not easy to carry additional 11kg around.

At night I managed to get the main things done for the work document so I just need to do smaller editing at work next morning. However, it costed me 2 cups of black tea with sugar, so that I won’t fall asleep, as I was quite tired.

Baby boy and I had a great Sunday, although we missed daddy!

thought poor day

The thought catching process didn’t really work out today. Because in everything I did today, I really had to focus and I couldn’t let my thoughts wander around. I just remember one thought and that was that my boss really dragges me out of my family focus. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate it for several reasons:

  • Seeing my family from outside. It’s like moving overseas and seeing and hearing about your home country, maybe even in a different language. Completely different experience
  • Do the work I love to do 100%. Just imagine coming home in a good mood, with a smile, happy that you had a good day at work. Not many can say that

However, one of my biggest concerns is, that I won’t get all the things done I want to do, be it at home or at work, just because a day has only 24hours. I guess the following list is not complete, but those “ideas” are coming back again and again and need some serious further development:

  • becoming fully vegetarian again, maybe even raw foodist
  • backing cakes and breads for the family
  • reading, reading, reading
  • doing all those online courses I have found
  • realizing those recycling projects at work using plastic bottles
  • Setting up an organisations/enterprise software
  • Implementing HACCP
  • read with my son
  • teach him swimming
  • winter holidays with my parents
  • have a farm
  • shopping for clothes (as a necessity)
  • developing new products
  • buying a car
  • exercise, exercise, move

Ok, big day tomorrow.
Good night

no media, no news

keep-calmI somehow cut myself short in media to post all the stuff that is happening. It is getting stuck in my head, however time is short, no platform and sometimes no data (internet). So, what to do? Lean back and find a solution. I really, really want to get the things out of my head to get things done and on paper.
I love what I am doing and I want to share with anyone … they might get something out of it.

so, I am stealing officially 5 working minutes to put this small post onto my blog. Communication seems to be my current main issue. Who to talk to when and how? Ideally, everyone should listen to my when I speak, heheh! 🙂 I feel like setting up my project book again, so I don’t loose any data. When I discover something, I feel like telling them now … so I knock on the door … as I am desperately waiting for advise or next order.

Project book it is? Thinking, thinking, thinking ….

Love my boys … hope hubby has a good trip out in sea.

Peace out!

Busy… Yaaar

little-miss-busyStressed? No, just busy with life. Work is fun, at home the boy is happy and husband out fishing. Still plenty of things are planned for this year, workwise and at home.
Having a housegirl or babysitter makes things much easier for me. I just need to implement some kind of routine. I still have my fitness and health goals, I’m not letting those go so easily.
Big mama-son weekend ahead. And we haven’t spoken to Oma & Opa for a while.
Ok, back to work for half a day.
Love my boys!
Peace out!

This is it

images (16)Husband is gone out to sea, baby home with nanny and me off to work again. This is it? Both parents are working in jobs they like and baby home and hopefully safe with nanny. Does this make us bad parents? I think we need to be clear how we think about it. Realistically we need two salaries. From the heart I feel sad leaving baby boy home. I miss his laugh and his actions every single day. At least I see him every day. His dad is now out at sea. He misses his son badly, especially being with him every day for 14 months.
We knew this time will come, but I have faith this will make us stronger as a family.
At home we are trying to “train” our nanny. She is brilliant and we are very happy, that baby boy gets along with her. It’s just me again who needs kind of a system and rhythm, so things work out “my way”.
One rhythm I have and that is going to work almost on a daily basis. I love my job, although plenty of things to do.
Almost there! Miss and love my boys!

Peace out

Work life balance

elephantbalancesI’m currently enrolled in an online course from with the title “work life balance”. It’s about flexibility at work, like working from home, working remotely or flexible times. It’s all seems nice and fancy, but is it applicable to Fiji?

I’m right into the third week of this course and I’m still hesitating whether we as an organisation could apply such kind of flexibility. The technology is there, no doubt about that. The weak point as I see it are the humans. If you can’t see your work as your passion … Then working from home is not going to work. People need to the the head of the organisation as a guide, as a team leader. This “extreme” authority-like thinking here on the islands can and will hold any development in work-life-balance back.

Where to start? It starts in the villages, at home and at school. The whole environment of education, being a community and raising a new generation needs some refreshing without destroying the vanua.

Reaching work now … Have a blessed day people.
Miss my boys so much!

Peace out!