Thoughts of the day (edited):
- how to meditate?
- if I could find time for meditation … plan it! get up early!
- does having your menses changes your life for the time?
- learn Fijian language and culture
- what is my culture?
- step up or stay in the comfort zone?
- is that being selfish?
- work, work, work = live, live, live
Meditation has been a subject in my life for the last 10 years. It started with a yoga-meditation course in Brisbane back in 2006. Oh, actually, we did some meditation already during my last year at Uni in Freising, Germany, 2004/2005. That was the first time when I had to try to think about nothing 🤔
So the question how to meditate is somehow superfluous. It only means after more than 10 years I still haven’t managed to get into it seriously. The issues I have are time and sleepiness. Surely I could get up early in the morning, but trying to meditate and I’m back to sleep again. I know I will keep trying. In the mean time I have taken up yoga, a good stretch in the morning to get the blood and the lymphatic system going. On top of that there is more about meditation than just sitting down and trying to think about nothing.
The menses issue. I can get very upset when girls or women tell me they can’t do this or that because they have their menses. This and that could be a kind of exercise, some kind of work. I would understand being in a bad mood, because that’s what happens to me. Kind of “don’t talk to me today”. Ok, our monthly period might have different meanings to different women of various cultures. And also, it might feel different from woman to woman. Do you see the period as a weakness? Why does it hold you back? Most men would probably freak out losing that much blood. Like pregnancy, it is not a disease … So what’s the drama?
The different cultures here in Fiji was a hot topic today at work. It was all about, misunderstanding and misinterpretation, sending the wrong signals and receiving different signals. There is so much more to the Fijian culture than what you see and get on the tourist level. Living with a Fijian husband and babysitter, you would think I get it. Far from it. I guess I will have to live with it, but I will make therefore to learn culture and language.
On the other hand it opened up the question what is my culture? There is a gap for me and I would have to dig very deep.
The comfort zone … Can be exciting when just arrived but after a while you surely get bored. So, finding an alternative is almost a must. Surely it is selfish. Stop typing here and go to bed is just another husband.
Enough said … Very tired
I have to solve one issue. How to capture all the thoughts I have. Most of the time I don’t have pen and paper or the computer handy or it is one short thought, one short phrase and I am afraid I won’t be able to turn it into a nice complete blog post. Just do it? I guess so … just no one tells me that, so I tell myself now:
You have a thought, try to put it down somewhere, where you find it and we can elaborate on that later. You need to practise!
The lost of a thought, that excited me before is something I don’t want to experience too often. Every thought is worth be written down to be remembered, to be re-thought, to have the value evolved and given more time so new baby thoughts can come out of it, enriching our world. (wow … well said! 😛 )
Next how to capture that actual idea or thought? Mobile is still too slow for me, pen and paper it is. And on the PC I should have Evernote open, so I can just open it at home and checked what I thought about during the day and maybe there will be some posts coming out of it.
The thoughts I remember from today are:
- plant tamarind trees as compound border
- peel more tamarind
- back to work tomorrow
- peel more tamarind
- and the day is not over yet 🙂
Ok … I better go and peel some tamarind … as I said earlier … action is louder than words!
Love my boys!
Appreciation … something we want, we don’t get, we don’t give, we forget, we depend on and so on. Appreciation is kind of an immediate gratification. And in the last decade this has been bad-mouthed to me. So, giving a compliment or appreciate someones work/help is not that comes easy and consciously from me.
But I also feel the lack of appreciation … at work and at home. Ok, I get paid at work, that’s what I get for what I do. And maybe I am not that good at what I am doing, so no pats on the shoulders … self-confidence, don’t listen! At home, it’s another story. Everyday feels like I do things for the first time. And to build confidence in something I need to do it again, again and again to be good at it.
I got one hug yesterday, and I cried … it was kind of a relieve. This happens when there is no really one around here I can talk to. My bestie lives on another bigger island and I didn’t think of the God yet. (Something to think about).
I need to find my space, to resort mind and soul, to discuss ideas at least with myself, let them out there. So when the idea is good, they will come back. And if it is only one line, written down means it is not lost.
Resolution for 2016? Oh stop, it never worked … so take just one thing and go for it for at least one month. This reminds me today is the 4th smoke-free day in a row … not too bad, isn’t it? Stories will come and go, ideas and thoughts will come and go … just need to fill out this space. But I also have to remember, that action speak louder than words. Long hard journey with lots of up and downs … and lot of things why they don’t work out.
Ok, it was not really the first time for us to go to church last weekend, but it was the first time for baby boy. It was planned for a long time, but we never could get our heads around it since we are in Lautoka.
Overall it was a well spent time. The church is simple, filled with people I could get along with and luckily more singing than preaching. Right below is sunday school, with full of kids. Good for baby boy.
So, why going to church in the first place? Several reasons:
- doing something as a family
- singing is good for the soul
- being out of my comfort zone
- reflecting on life
- using the session as meditation or cleansing process
I loved the simplicity of the whole process, just not a big thing.
Am I calling myself a Christian now? Not really, maybe just a believer who uses Christianity as a spiritual platform to grow.
Ok, it’s Monday morning, on my way to work, plenty of exciting things to do.
Love my boys!
What kind of journey is that? 2 steps forward and one back. I should keep the faith? For what when the things I love are taken away from me? I wanted a family … Nothing wrong with that, isn’t it? The love is still there and always will … We are just not complete.
Getting upset here about being taught to be an independent woman. You know what, that makes you very lonely. I’m not a people’s person, but I still would love to have someone.
Once again I have to toughen up and fight my way through.
Love my boys!
Three weeks of holidays are behind me. Joy, tears, anger, frustration and hope every day. Can it be a fresh start for my family? We will give it a go, so new challenges, bad and good days ahead? I just want the best for my boys and still want to be happy. Could I be happy in Germany? Asking this question makes me feel unsure, unsecure and of low value. Maybe because I would obey my parents.
Maybe it sounds arrogant, but I think I have a bigger purpose in life, I’m here to change something. And Fiji just feels right. I remember, 1992, my first big overseas trip with my parents to Egypt. I was only 15years old, but I promised I would help those people. Obviously I didn’t understand any political system at that time neither any religious frameworks. I’m not saying I understand it fully today, but I got quite a bit of experience.
Do I listen to my heart or to my parents? They want to see me happy. I am afraid that happiness is something else for them than it is for me … So we won’t ever match. 🙁
Also, what will be the best for Franz?
I leave that post with the last thought … Peace out!
Tough day, when you receive one growling after the other, especially in public. I feel humiliated. Kind of my own fault, because it’s up to me how I react to external signs. I take it into account, but I should not put myself down. So, I’m not saying anything. Just keep doing my thing.
I just hope this stuff is not accumulated in me and one day I will explode in some way or the other. Maybe I should start meditating about it, to release the tension.
Back to work, peace out!
Love my boys!
Medical doctors are caught between an intellectual rock and a corporate hard place; they are pawns in the huge medical industrial complex. Their healing abilities are hobbled by an archaic medical education founded on a Newtonian, matter-only universe. Unfortunately, that philosophy went out of vogue seventy-five years ago, when physicists officially adopted quantum mechanics and recognized that the universe is actually made out of energy. taken from Chapter 4 of The Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton (PhD).
In their postgraduate years, those same doctors receive their continuing education about pharmaceutical products from drug reps, the errand boys of the corporate healthcare industry. Essentially, these nonprofessionals whose primarily goal is to sell product, provide doctors with "information" about the efficacy of new drugs. Drug companies freely offer this "education" so they can persuade doctors to push their products. It is evident that the massive quantities of drugs prescribed in this country [USA] violate the Hippocratic Oath taken by all doctors to "First do no harm". We have been programmed by pharmaceutical corporations to become a nation of prescription drug-popping junkies with tragic results. We need to step back and incorporate the discoveries of quantum physics into biomedicine so that we can create a new, safer system of medicine that is attuned to the laws of nature.
Last night the three of us were invited to a prayer session with landlord’s family. Did I enjoy it? Not sure. The topic was baptism. I’m always full of question when people talk about Jesus and Co using the bible. Unfortunately these questions stay unanswered and I feel this session was just a waste of time.
The father said, if you are not baptized you won’t be able to go to heaven. Great, then my husband and I have a great future ahead.
Next time we will bring our own bible. Though baby keeps us busy during the session. I’m sure we will go to more sessions and not only because of the food after. 😉
Yesterday I attended my first meditation session after a very long time. Several challenges I had to deal with.
- letting go of all thoughts
- not falling asleep
- numb muscles in legs
I decided not to sit in a chair but on the floor instead. This position is better for my back, glutes and legs. Leaning in a chair would just help falling asleep. And also I want to live according my belief which is
sitting is the new smoking
. I don’t want to promote sitting in a chair, as this shorten the glutes and hamstring muscles and can cause quite a bit of lower back pain.
But back to the actual meditation. To my surprise I found it easy to relax in my mind and my body. Sure I had a lot of thoughts to sort through but I also could let go. Same for the body. I could focus on various body parts and could trigger to relax the appropriate muscles, especially my neck muscles.
So I enjoyed the 40min of meditation and I definitely will attend the next one.
P.S. Had a good night, my boy slept quietly just moved all over the mattress. Won’t be able to put him to bed for a long time.