Category Archives: Mindset


this is hunting me somehow

Where does that negativity in me comes from? And I am not even aware of it. What I say and how I react, other people receive it as negativity. I am just trying to be true, honest and do the right thing … but the world receives it the other way around.
So, what to do? I have googled the topic and found some good points. But at the end there is still the issue, that I am not aware of it. Same thing is with people saying that I am complaining, where I intend just to say the facts. Here are the things I might have to look at myself:

  • Stop thinking in extremes
  • Stop over-generalizing the negative
  • Don’t minimize the positive
  • Stop mindreading
  • Stop taking all the responsibility
  • Stop forcing your own rules on life
  • Stop making things up and believing it

That are good points. (taken from ).

I like that comment too:

Look at how much control and influence you really have over things that you tend to think negatively about.

I guess I mostly have different expectation and I am wondering why people don’t think like me. All this behavior seems to make my own life difficult.
So, I have plenty of things still to learn, probably mostly to un-learn, change of habits. Sure, I could defend my behaviour, but what for?

It’s up to me again. Think before you react. Calm down when things get hectic. If I want to archive my goal(s) I better try to put my love and happiness into my life. I have started some procedures already, but surely it takes time.

I have to keep up the discipline and the commitment.


Long time no write

yep, Winston did strike and isolated us for a couple of weeks … power and some kind of normality is back now. But still more things to sort out.
My first cyclone … and right away the strongest ever recorded here in Fiji. Not an experience I want to share or wish anyone. We were lucky … the house stood still. But the trees around us got quite some damage. Luckily none of them damaged our house.
Good reminder as well to value the basic things of life. Shelter, Food, water, Family … how could we forget all that in such a short time? Human race is quite spoiled. I guess if we would look after each other more and value simple things again … lot of unnecessary death, war and hate could be avoided.
The challenge is now to come out of it much stronger and smarter, but that’s why it is called a “challenge”. There is only that much we can do ourselves … but at least we should do what’s possible ourselves and not wait for other to give, donate and share. yes of course donations are welcome and highly needed. However, we should not waste time and wait for help. Surely, you can find always something to do … then do it. Make sure it helps you and your community to grow.

I will try to be back online here for several reasons … to clear my mind, to train my writing style and to show the world that I have a voice too.

I decide to be happy and am doing it with love.

willpower and co

Thoughts of the day (edited):

  • fear of the answer
  • will power
  • Bill Gates video about farming
  • start reading papers to get into the “slang”

This fear, something could go wrong. You have tried to settle down, so you can focus on the future with your family, but then one wrong move, word or action … and it can be destroyed and you have to start from scratch somewhere else, maybe even with someone else. Ok, let’s not cry the wolf here. But having this fear, can very much hold you back in your potential, what you could achieve. Should we always have a plan B? That’s they they say you should do some saving for emergency, for just in case. But you know what, although we do savings, it has never reached the level of being sufficient, because I had to move and circumstances have changed too quickly. So yes, I am not sure how to fight this fear. Maybe only by really being me (again?) … do what you think you should do, be yourself … and people will question you, ridicule you and then copy you.

Willpower, something I have seen in me. With willpower, I have been raw foodist and run to the gym almost daily back in my Aussie days. Am I consistent? Not really. Yes for the food and gym back then, and the only person I had to be responsible was myself. Does willpower works when you are tired? For your own safety, sleep when you are tired!
I will appreciate more the little things I am doing on a daily basis.

This I think is very nice short video from Bill Gates:

What do you think?

It’s all not new, but you have to train your mind to talk the language you should be talking. I have to show the willpower now and look into those UN reports and check out all the charts. What’s the latest in agricultre? What the most “in” journal when it comes to development work?

Sorry, a bit short today … I am just sooo tired tonight.

lost thoughts

oh man, lost 2 days of thoughts … I could blame the software I am using. Anyway, will see what I can recall. I remember it was a roller-coaster of thoughts and emotions again.
How messages are received is kind of out of our control. We can mean it in a good way, just focussing on getting the message out and keeping it short, and the person receiving it, sees the lack of information and feels hurt and not appreciated. Wrong timing and mis-interpretation and tension evolves. Have been there and done that. Can I learn from it? Only what is in my control zone, and that might be timing and prioritizing. Hope not to make that mistake again.
I don’t like being tired. During the day I should be awake and do whatever I want to do. Sure you can have low times, but not everyday. I want to feel pumped and energized, excited about the things I am doing. Things I have to change is food, drink more water and movement. And then there is thing with the medication. I know I am on a low dose, but can I train my mind to live with that?
Sometimes it just comes out … the talk behind the back. Especially when I am in rage. So here I need to learn to control myself. I am aware that being sarcastic is somehow in my blood … but it can and will backfire. And I really don’t need that.
Finally we can use the iPad at home again … more options to write for me. That the internet is down for some days, that another story, hahah! Anyway, the plan is to stay on track with my thought catching daily journal … sure I lost some day, but that is not holding me back to keep going.
Some thoughts will be of course work related … but those I don’t want to discuss and evolve here. For those I need another platform (good idea by the way).
Let’s keep it short for this post … it’s already too late.

Stay safe!

life in between

I have to sleeping beauties lying down behind snoring their way away. Between all my thought catching tries yesterday and today, I found myself observing my son developing his own mind, making his own decision. The best part is always when he comes and grabs my hand and we go somewhere. But yesterday he just grabbed my hand and then he paused thinking deeply. Here I wished I could read his thoughts … was it fear, uncertainty or I just want to hold mum’s hand? Those moments make it all worth it, I mean being a parent.

Today’s thought catching got a hug distraction by work … busy as we start a new year, new projects and unfortunately still so much left over from last year. Anyway, here some of the thought from today and still some from yesterday:

  • What’s the point of jewellery? People without jewellery just don’t know how to express themselves or do they don’t need to express themselves or are they not worth it. Or do they just value things in life differently?
  • humiliation is against human rights … so I think the public statement of various companies in local newspaper that a particular person (named and pictured) is not employed at this company anymore etc is humiliation and has to stop. I understand the side of the company, however this issue is an issue between the company and that particular person. The company has no right to make the life of that person even more harder by publicly humiliating her/him. Just saying … will I have the courage to repot to the Human Rights Commission?
  • Maybe some thoughts are meant to be lost, just to be found again … like a deja vu
  • There is something bothering me with that human needs pyramid from Maslow. Somehow I bring it in connection with living standards. Humans can adapt to everything. You can live in a mansion but also in a tin house, you just adapt. What’s the difference? The standard you set yourself? But what if I am ok with a tin house and my basic need of shelter is covered. And I put my prioritise more on the esteem and belong level. Ok, this thought is definitely not finished and might be even discussed with other, someone who knows what I am talking about. (Hard to find these day … I feel sometimes like an hermit)
  • That is something I am not really proud of, but I couldn’t find a solution yet. Like being judgemental. For example I am seeing someone, and I immediately make up my opinion, kind of the effect of the first impression. Of course it is not right, but how do you prevent this? The bad thing is that my thoughts are sometimes nasty and/or sarcastic. I am sorry, but a nose ring just reminds me of a bull’s nose ring … I don’t see any beauty in that. Prejudice? Probably. I just stop it? How? One of the things I am trying is controlling my mind with meditation. It is a long process, but will see. Might sounds bad, but hey … I need something to laugh as well, hehe
  • I am so not into following the flow, I mean the group pressure. If everyone loves something, I am mostly dislike it. Not because I want to be different, it is because I really don’t like it. For example another women’s hairstyle … everyone is praising it on facebook and I think for myself WTH did she do to herself. I know I have to be careful what I am saying and sometimes even what I am not saying. But I also feel guilty by not saying anything. I guess there are things you can say and other things you should not say … might have to check on that list.
  • When a disaster hits, is nature telling us something? We build earthquake-safe houses, soundproofed windows … so are we preventing nature to communicate with us? Shouldn’t we feel the wind and the rain? We are encapsulate ourselves away from nature. Something that needs more thought.

Looks like a lot, but these things keep my mind busy all day. I haven’t even mentioned all the recipes and projects I want to try, because I want to have a healthy sustainable life. So better to be on paper. Oh, and did I do the tamarind yesterday? No, hubby said to relax … I have to admit the weather is not helping either these days.

Time to knock off now … still have to pack my lunch!
Love my boys

Prisoner of your own mind

You have heard me saying many times that I have so much things going on in my kind, I wished I could sometimes just sit down and write it all out. This hasn’t stopped. But I feel like I have got less and less time to express myself. So you might asked what is taking all my time. Here a small list of things that I think take my time:

  • Baby boy
  • Work
  • Housework
  • Obligations
  • Sickness/recovery time
  • IGPs (income generating projects, like gardening and tamarind)

Things I could and plan to change is obligation and the sickness part. Other things I don’t want to change, because they keep me grounded, living a life back to nature, are all the others obviously. Baby boy will grow out by himself unfortunately. The others are kind of as I always wanted them, simple and nothing fancy. Maybe a touch of uncivilized, but even this might be wanted. 

So what’s the plan now? After all, it’s almost time for New Year resolutions! I want to stick to this website to express myself, to share my story … I have no one else to talk to. I mean, who would listen to all those crazy things that are going on in my mind? Only one so far, my bestie Daina. Long time no talk and see, it’s time to catch up again. 

Let’s ignite the fire again on a daily basis. Give it a try. If we don’t try, we will never know. Review of the 7 human values is needed too. Plenty of things to do, and I’m not talking about work.

I am who I am and not who you want me to be.

Thought rush

tumblr_muye6vvzmI1sdpf42o1_500Wheeew, big thought rush yesterday. Couldn’t stop thinking yesterday after work. Most of it I could write down.

I feel good and bad about it. Looks like I love my job and I really want to make things happen for this organization. It gives me a satisfying feeling. Does it put my family into second place? I am working on it that this won’t happen. Things I learn and do at work I can apply at home too. And when mama comes happy from work, that should bring some good vibration with it, shouldn’t it?

It’s Saturday and I almost reach the office. Have a wonderful day!

Love my boys … Peace out!

Power of words

Words are the strongest weapon. How they are send out can be quite different to how they are received, because there are always at least 2 people involved (excluding self-talk). One can control the way you speak out words, but it is out of your control how those words are received. And this can be ok with you or not, because here again, how you react to your partners reaction is out of his control and only you can make the inner decision how your response will be.
Sounds complicated? Hell yeah, that’s life. That’s were all the problems start. “that’s not what I meant” or “you make me very angry” … Pure miscommunication.
So what to do about it? Be mindful and observe yourself how you react to certain comments, you will be surprised how easy it is to blame others for your reaction.
Control your emotions …after all you want to be in charge, right?

Back to work again … Miss my boys!

Peace out!


One of those days where the commitment is stronger than my mind. With the promise in mind to post on a daily basis, I am now sitting here and I don’t know what to write about. There would be some things come to my mind but with no real substance.
Let’s just hope for a good day.

Peace out!

Do we always have to be right

conflictBut I’m right and you’re wrong. This is a very strong statement especially when you know that you are right. In a discussion this statement can end up in frustration, anger and the end of the discussion or even relationship.

So, what is more important to you, that you are right or having a good discussion. Why destroy someone’s day when there is the option to make both sides satisfied. You know that you might be right, so why not give this good and confident feeling to your opponent as well? You don’t have to agree to what they are saying or pretend that they are right. Just accept his opinion and be happy that there are people with different opinions in this world. Otherwise the world would be pretty boring.

Also, another point to think about is, what is right for you could be wrong for the other person.

So, fight for your right, but don’t fight for “I am right”.

Personally I’m struggling with it, however I’m working on it and remind myself why I should start a fight at this point.

So, I have to pat myself on my shoulder, thanks for the reminder. I promise improvement in this area.