Category Archives: people Skills

displaying an excessively critical point of view

Thoughts of the day (edited)

  • I am ok with getting up at 6am on a Saturday and doing some gardening
  • it is not ok, that I did not my Yoga session and I did not write my blog, I am falling behind
  • the presence of hubby is distracting … that is a challenge for me, to stay on track. Of course I want to have him at home, but it should not make me lose the sight of my/our goals
  • it’s a very strong the feeling being judgmental, having an opinion about someone, so how to avoid to be judgmental?
  • When someone asks for my opinion, I am asked to be judgmental, no?
  • everybody is thinking it, I am the stupid and naive one, who writes it in an email
  • club with the tuvu girls – Tuvu Lewa
  • talk to hubby about savings from his side, health, planning and goals
  • get more structure at home (I think too much resting)
  • zenhabits … here we go again

It is always an ever-growing or ever-demanding system. If you are doing a little today, you go to a next stage with more discipline, more love and more focus. And then the time will come when you will be able to have that echo in others; you will be able to create an impact in others.

Kamlesh D. Patel, Designing Destiny (2nd edn., 2016, unpublished), p. 0

I guess there will always be days like this. The challenge is to just keep going and not to give up.

Having goals is great, but implementing them is the challenge and staying on track. Even the own family can throw you out of the path sometimes. Have to plan this in.

Yes, I was judgmental again, but I keep fighting it. Maybe sometimes I just have to keep quiet. Above I have found some resources on how to avoid being judgmental. Good read, both of them. The challenge is, when people ask you for your opinion, do they ask you to be judgmental? Or maybe it’s again just a matter what words you chose. I need to extend my vocabulary, English and German, being aware of that both can have two different meanings.

We had the idea to set up a club here at Tuvu, will see if we can start it next week. Grog or no grog? Would be good to do some savings. Curios how this will go.

Saving and budgeting is something everyone should do. One should develop the discipline to do that. I do some savings already, but we need to set up a system for hubby as well. Not that easy when you get paid cash, the temptation to spend the money is there right away.

One of the links above is from zen habits. I used to follow that guys a couple of years ago. Was wondering what he is up to now, so I subscribed again, after I found him googling for my judging problem.

The definition of being judgmental is the title of today’s post … Excessively critical point of view. Looks like I have to soften up a bit. I also smell some habits I’ve got from my dad. Interesting journey!

Culture issues

Thoughts of the day (edited):

  • how to meditate?
  • if I could find time for meditation … plan it! get up early!
  • does having your menses changes your life for the time?
  • learn Fijian language and culture
  • what is my culture?
  • step up or stay in the comfort zone?
  • is that being selfish?
  • work, work, work = live, live, live

Meditation has been a subject in my life for the last 10 years. It started with a yoga-meditation course in Brisbane back in 2006. Oh, actually, we did some meditation already during my last year at Uni in Freising, Germany, 2004/2005. That was the first time when I had to try to think about nothing 🤔

So the question how to meditate is somehow superfluous. It only means after more than 10 years I still haven’t managed to get into it seriously. The issues I have are time and sleepiness. Surely I could get up early in the morning, but trying to meditate and I’m back to sleep again. I know I will keep trying. In the mean time I have taken up yoga, a good stretch in the morning to get the blood and the lymphatic system going. On top of that there is more about meditation than just sitting down and trying to think about nothing.

The menses issue. I can get very upset when girls or women tell me they can’t do this or that because they have their menses. This and that could be a kind of exercise, some kind of work. I would understand being in a bad mood, because that’s what happens to me. Kind of “don’t talk to me today”. Ok, our monthly period might have different meanings to different women of various cultures. And also, it might feel different from woman to woman. Do you see the period as a weakness? Why does it hold you back? Most men would probably freak out losing that much blood. Like pregnancy, it is not a disease … So what’s the drama? 

The different cultures here in Fiji was a hot topic today at work. It was all about, misunderstanding and misinterpretation, sending the wrong signals and receiving different signals. There is so much more to the Fijian culture than what you see and get on the tourist level. Living with a Fijian husband and babysitter, you would think I get it. Far from it. I guess I will have to live with it, but I will make therefore to learn culture and language.

On the other hand it opened up the question what is my culture? There is a gap for me and I would have to dig very deep. 

The comfort zone … Can be exciting when just arrived but after a while you surely get bored. So, finding an alternative is almost a must. Surely it is selfish. Stop typing here and go to bed is just another husband. 

Enough said … Very tired

no media, no news

keep-calmI somehow cut myself short in media to post all the stuff that is happening. It is getting stuck in my head, however time is short, no platform and sometimes no data (internet). So, what to do? Lean back and find a solution. I really, really want to get the things out of my head to get things done and on paper.
I love what I am doing and I want to share with anyone … they might get something out of it.

so, I am stealing officially 5 working minutes to put this small post onto my blog. Communication seems to be my current main issue. Who to talk to when and how? Ideally, everyone should listen to my when I speak, heheh! 🙂 I feel like setting up my project book again, so I don’t loose any data. When I discover something, I feel like telling them now … so I knock on the door … as I am desperately waiting for advise or next order.

Project book it is? Thinking, thinking, thinking ….

Love my boys … hope hubby has a good trip out in sea.

Peace out!

Something to say again

images (5)Did I run out of topics that I haven’t posted anything for weeks? Not really, had plenty to say, just didn’t put it down. 🙁
Why today then? Don’t want to waste my time waiting for the minibus getting me to work.
I’m still getting my confidence tested on a daily basis, be it at home or at work. One day I even snapped at work, because it was just too much frustration. Not sure whether most of the stuff I was angry about were just jokes. If yes, they didn’t work that time on me and I decided to allocate anger in me instead. It was not worth it and hopefully I can handle similar situations next time better. My ego just got really hurt.
Financially our family keeps learning. We invested in a washingmachine, though we can spend a bit more time with baby and don’t need to scrap the clothes by hand anymore.
Also, I’m trying to do more cooking for our family, including baking. The pancakes and the pasta are already a hit. Did my first 3-cup cake today. It kind of failed, as I think I put the stove too hot and the bottom burnt. Please note, that we don’t have an oven! 😉
Today is our 23rd month wedding anniversary … Time flies and we still keep learning from and about each other. Still love him to bits.
Baby boy is growing and can talk and talk and talk. Daddy and mummy love you so much.

Ok, back to work and peace out!

Emptying the mind

One of my resolutions for this year was to write on my blog on a daily basis. Why I did come up with this? I’m a person who thinks a lot and does most of the talking inside. I even hold my baby boy in my arms and talk to him in my mind. But I should talk to him through my mouth, so he actually can hear my voice. I don’t think he can read my mind. That’s a good assumption, isn’t it? Even my husband needs to remind me from time to time that I should talk to him. And I think, “I do”, but then I notice that I just talk to him in my mind.
My mind is very busy. Also, I’m not used to have people around me being a single child and most of the time during the last 10-15 years I lived by myself.
Finally I am aware of that and I definitely want to change that. Surely I will keep some stuff for myself, or work-related issue stay at work and family issues stay in the family. But what I want to do is to empty my mind if possible and appropriate using the blog and/or Facebook. Then I can focus on talking to my son and my husband. I can talk about that matters to them and myself.
However, I’m obviously not consistent, as I had planned to do that on a daily basis. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it and I think that is ok. I like writing down my ideas and thoughts. It’s not really about sharing them, it’s more about getting them out of my head.
Today was one of those days where it just didn’t happen as planned. But now, in the evening hours, I still try to squeeze something out of my brain cells as lot of things are going on, work and family-wise. Therefore you might see some post that don’t really have a story, meaning or sense. I believe it is kind of a habit. So if I just keep going the writings will make more sense and hopefully something will come out of all this effort.

Does that make sense?

Good night and peace out!

Dress code

Shoulders have to be covered, skirts have to end below the knee … Just 2 rules I have to follow at work. I admit, it is something I don’t really want to get used to. But there are things you have to live with.
Then I see women dressed in their traditional outfit, for whatever function. Am I supposed to see their chubby belly and the love handles? Most of the time it is not something very attractive.
It’s just so contradictory to me. On one hand these conservative rules, on the other hand you are able to see half of their upper body naked and the age doesn’t matter.
These things bother me sometimes.
Peace out!

Dress to impress

… But don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Dress professionally, but treat everyone equally.

Be humble, but fake it until you make.

I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. We get taught one thing, but have to practice another one. Can I just be who I am? If you don’t like how I dress, that should be your problem, not mine. But our system makes it my problem and I have to waste energy, time and money to cover up my weaknesses and pretend to be someone I am not.

Sure, for safety reason we have to wear some special gear from time to time.

But a person dressed in shorts and a vest could be capable of to open me a bank account same as a person squeezed into a suit with tie.

Why cover yourself up on Sunday for your weekly church visit and during the week you run around in singlet and shorts? GOD is everywhere … He can see everything.

Sometimes I feel we just dress up to satisfy our ego and our neighbors to save our reputation. I know it’s a hot topic … I just wanted to put it out there.

Clothes are overrated, but also have their role in our community. Will need to think about this more … Looking forward to get home and jump into my shorts and a lose shirt.

I love my life.

Oh happy day

IMG_3448.JPGI had a plan for today, but first thing in the morning you get told there will be a morning training. Fair enough, we can squeeze that in.
Before everyone leaves to their workspace, it was announced that every department should have their meeting now and the minutes should be submitted before lunch time. Cool, why not, gives me a chance to hold everyone accountable regarding their data. That I will be the one taking the minutes, somehow unavoidable.
Whew, finally at my desk typing up the minutes. Your computer doesn’t want to switch on? Check the cables and voila! You are welcome!
Then checking emails, I see a note that articles are required for the latest newsletter from a medical survey we did. As I was the one who run the analysis, I will be therefore the one submitting that article.
Mmmmhhh, almost lunch time … Just checking what I was suppose to do?
Oh yes, we wanted to meet during lunch time regarding the morning training, but one team member went to town, makes sense. Haven’t seen him all day …
Fresh fish with lolo for lunch (yesterday’s blog) … still yummy. Wow, 2pm already, quick call to my men at home if everything is alright. Spending 5 minutes on the phone trying to get baby (not even 5 month old) to talk to me, heheh! Still some time left till next meeting …. Finally I can do some stuff that was planned.

Half an hour later, what happen to that meeting? Oh, it has been postponed to tomorrow … Thanks for letting me know.

You want what … A Skype meeting? Sure I can setup the laptop for you. Oh man, these data don’t make sense. You give stuff to people you don’t even know? Anyway, let’s record them.

Oh, quickly have a look at these data from team B. Would be good to format the table into the proper standard. What’s that … table in tables? Yeah, the ultimate timesaver I was looking for … Arghhh, more cleaning to do.

Ooops. 5:10pm already, would love to catch that bus … Of course mam, I’m just standing here for fun, go ahead and skip the queue.

Gotta love such days and I’m not even home yet LOL

Peace out!

family

I might open up here a can of worms, but what the heck … yes I am watching “The Biggest Loser”. Why? I guess there are different reasons.

  • to see the mental changes the participants are going through
  • what is it, that actually makes a person obese
  • to see the different exercises and strategies the trainers are using
  • what makes the contestants to fall back into the comfort zone
  • and much more …

But there is one thing that was kind of an enlightenment for me. The weakness, errors and drawbacks they are fighting more or less successful against at … I have have them as well. I can yell at the biggest contestant ever to toughen up and get back to training as much as I want. But what I actually do is yelling at myself. I also have to toughen up myself and get back to training, back on track … just in a different matter. I can roll my eyes about that girls’ whinging and mock about her, how she is looking for protection from her mum. Then I see myself, telling my friend about how shitty work is and see myself looking for comfort. But do I do anything about it?

The other thing I have noticed that family can be such a comfort zone, but also your worst enemy. All these emotion during the show … it is a bit out of my circle of understanding. Ok, every family is different, every culture is different … but are obese parents more protective of their children than active parents? I assume that is a massive topic to talk about and worth plenty of blog posts.

But where I want to go with it is really what family means to me. Because my relationship to my family has quite changed a bit in the last year. And it just got triggered again by watching “The Biggest Loser”. I am living 16,000km far away from any family member I have. Do I miss them? Not really. What does it mean to miss someone? I would hardly see family even when I was living in Germany. You can judge me or my family now … but that’s how we are. I can’t change my family, I can only change myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but we’re just not that a hugging, hand-holding, peck-giving family.

I don’t want to be seen as a machine anymore without feelings. I think the right people deserve a hug, a smile and peck … and I want to share it because I mean it, not because that is an unwritten law in society. So now you will see me people hugging, but you will also see me refusing a hug because it just feels wrong. I need the right karma for that. Maybe that’s my sixths sense, hehe.

It was a very overwhelming feeling for me when I went to Fiji to meet a new family there. That was a completely new ME, you wouldn’t have recognised me. The warmth I have received there and the warmth I was able to give back (or at least part of it as a beginner) I surprised myself. And it opened up a completely new journey for me, a journey I am really enjoying. Now it is time to share that with my parents, because I think they deserve it. It will be up to them if they accept it or not, but I want to show and tell them that I love them. I can do as many skype calls with them as much as I want … it doesn’t beat sharing something that comes from the heart and you really mean it … true human interaction is the one coming from the heart.

Oh man, that will be interesting.

Go with the flow but make it your flow

As I have mentioned in a previous post, someone or something is always with you. And in the most darkest moment (btw. only you think it is a dark moment) there will be a light at the end of that tunnel. Today I had an interesting conversation with the cafe owner near my gym.

I asked him, whether it is exhausting for him to care about people. He is always friendly, always asking how one is going and he is always smiling. And his reply was, no, it actually makes his day when he can help people by just listening to them or make them smile. But he also mentioned, that he knows people, who find it exhausting. So, my question is now, is that an attitude thing or are we different people? I also can use the excuse that English is not my mother tongue, so talking to people and listening to different kind of English take a lot of energy for me. Just a cheap excuse?

So, what has this to do with “the flow”?

You have goals in life (if not, stop reading here and write down your goals in life, otherwise … no point). And of course you want to reach them, therefore you do almost everything to get there. But God, life or the universe will put obstacles in your way. Why? Either to teach you a lesson, to challenge you or even to test you, on how much you want it, that goal. However, this journey still should be fun … there is no time for perfection, worry or anger. People come into your life to teach you a lesson or be a blessing for you.

If you start caring about others, smile at them or just listen to them … it is part of their journey, but also part of your journey. You never know who you might meet 😉

Just go with the flow … take the things that come into your way, find a solution, pass that test or sometimes get rid of that relationship … so is life. However, make sure that the flow is your flow … aiming your goal. You might drift away from time to time, but you just need to adjust your journey again. Enjoy the whole process …

So, if you do something do it 100% … be present. You don’t like what you do? Do it 100% anyway, and in your free time, think about Plan B .. again, do it 100%. It has nothing to do with multi-tasking, it is more about where your mind is. Because if you don’t like what you do and you do it because it pays the bills and you think about other things you would prefer to do …. this doesn’t make you grow. This doesn’t give you a base you can build on, because everytime you do both things at the same time (doing the job you hate and planning a way out of it) … you are not doing them 100%, so it won’t be detailed enough nor good enough to put into practise.

Do one thing at a time, do it 100% and seriously … you will make it.

I can see that my today’s post is a bit all over the place, but that just reflects my mind at the moment. 😉 Getting it in here is part of my “therapy” haha.

Enjoy your day … 100% 😉 and let me know what you think about this stuff, if it hasn’t confused you even more.