Category Archives: Self-confidence

willpower and co

Thoughts of the day (edited):

  • fear of the answer
  • will power
  • Bill Gates video about farming
  • start reading papers to get into the “slang”

This fear, something could go wrong. You have tried to settle down, so you can focus on the future with your family, but then one wrong move, word or action … and it can be destroyed and you have to start from scratch somewhere else, maybe even with someone else. Ok, let’s not cry the wolf here. But having this fear, can very much hold you back in your potential, what you could achieve. Should we always have a plan B? That’s they they say you should do some saving for emergency, for just in case. But you know what, although we do savings, it has never reached the level of being sufficient, because I had to move and circumstances have changed too quickly. So yes, I am not sure how to fight this fear. Maybe only by really being me (again?) … do what you think you should do, be yourself … and people will question you, ridicule you and then copy you.

Willpower, something I have seen in me. With willpower, I have been raw foodist and run to the gym almost daily back in my Aussie days. Am I consistent? Not really. Yes for the food and gym back then, and the only person I had to be responsible was myself. Does willpower works when you are tired? For your own safety, sleep when you are tired!
I will appreciate more the little things I am doing on a daily basis.

This I think is very nice short video from Bill Gates:

What do you think?

It’s all not new, but you have to train your mind to talk the language you should be talking. I have to show the willpower now and look into those UN reports and check out all the charts. What’s the latest in agricultre? What the most “in” journal when it comes to development work?

Sorry, a bit short today … I am just sooo tired tonight.


yes, I am running late with today’s post. But I want to show commitment and here we go, today’s post with today’s collected thoughts. (Maybe not as intensive as yesterday’s ones).

I am surprised to be so active, although my thyroid is in slow mode … even my dose is too low, but we want to see how I go. So far so good.

Most of today’s thoughts were triggered by an very angry email I have received this morning. What would you do if the person doesn’t believe you what you say and even claims that you run away. (I haven’t even left Earth yet, and I am not planning to) Fiji is still reachable for everyone. Anyway, today’s thoughts with comments were:

  • After a long time, I have done my own breakfast with bananas and mother of all herbs leaves … add a bit of water and blend it up. So yummy and refreshing. Hopefully can make it a routine! (Now that everything is growing in our garden!)
  • Imagine people come and offer you help. However, you don’t see the need to ask for help as you can manage more or less by yourself, because you know you can. But still, they come and help out. And then they expect something in return. Hey, I didn’t ask for the help … why do I feel betrayed? Sure, it is a nice move of them, but … No but? Do I have to accept every help? Or is it because I find it hard to share or give back? I am a single child after all. No solution for that issue yet, but it is bothering me for a while now and it might put me in bigger problems.
  • The above issue makes me feel guilty again and I start putting myself down. NOT HELPING! Where to start? Forgiving myself and others sounds like a plan. That means I need to find time and space to do the actual action of forgiving. Mostly I try to pray or meditate over it. I guess it is just a question of time … so just keep doing gurl!
  • I have read a quote today in facebook about removing the toxic people out of your life. Sure, sounds easy, but what if they keep coming back and keep bothering and blaming you? Then forgiving and forgetting seems to be impossible. At the end it depends how I react to their action. I decide how I feel about it. Don’t let other people trigger your mood.
  • Bohhh, we run out of tamarind at work … how could this happen? And where I live, tamarind is kind of everywhere. Just need to find the people who will shake the trees and collect the beans and peel them and pit the seeds. It’s not the big money … it’s the bulk which should be attractive. And I am lacking time! What can we do to utilize the situation. Send husband and son to collect tamarind? Get neighbours daughter to climb up the tree and shake it, so I just need to collect it? The more people involved the more we have to share the profit. Oh, don’t be sooo selfish. I love the whole process and I will keep doing it. I just need the idea and strategy how to bring it to the next level. Just by myself is not working.

Ok, better head off to bed … running very late here. Have a good night people. Tomorrow is a new day, a new start!

Love my boys


Appreciation … something we want, we don’t get, we don’t give, we forget, we depend on and so on. Appreciation is kind of an immediate gratification. And in the last decade this has been bad-mouthed to me. So, giving a compliment or appreciate someones work/help is not that comes easy and consciously from me.

But I also feel the lack of appreciation … at work and at home. Ok, I get paid at work, that’s what I get for what I do. And maybe I am not that good at what I am doing, so no pats on the shoulders … self-confidence, don’t listen! At home, it’s another story. Everyday feels like I do things for the first time. And to build confidence in something I need to do it again, again and again to be good at it.

I got one hug yesterday, and I cried … it was kind of a relieve. This happens when there is no really one around here I can talk to. My bestie lives on another bigger island and I didn’t think of the God yet. (Something to think about).

I need to find my space, to resort mind and soul, to discuss ideas at least with myself, let them out there. So when the idea is good, they will come back. And if it is only one line, written down means it is not lost.

Resolution for 2016? Oh stop, it never worked … so take just one thing and go for it for at least one month. This reminds me today is the 4th smoke-free day in a row … not too bad, isn’t it? Stories will come and go, ideas and thoughts will come and go … just need to fill out this space. But I also have to remember, that action speak louder than words. Long hard journey with lots of up and downs … and lot of things why they don’t work out.

What kind of destiny is that?

4afb7376ffaf85cc8c1a163047771b72What kind of journey is that? 2 steps forward and one back. I should keep the faith? For what when the things I love are taken away from me? I wanted a family … Nothing wrong with that, isn’t it? The love is still there and always will … We are just not complete.
Getting upset here about being taught to be an independent woman. You know what, that makes you very lonely. I’m not a people’s person, but I still would love to have someone.
Once again I have to toughen up and fight my way through.

Love my boys!

Peace out

Do we always have to be right

conflictBut I’m right and you’re wrong. This is a very strong statement especially when you know that you are right. In a discussion this statement can end up in frustration, anger and the end of the discussion or even relationship.

So, what is more important to you, that you are right or having a good discussion. Why destroy someone’s day when there is the option to make both sides satisfied. You know that you might be right, so why not give this good and confident feeling to your opponent as well? You don’t have to agree to what they are saying or pretend that they are right. Just accept his opinion and be happy that there are people with different opinions in this world. Otherwise the world would be pretty boring.

Also, another point to think about is, what is right for you could be wrong for the other person.

So, fight for your right, but don’t fight for “I am right”.

Personally I’m struggling with it, however I’m working on it and remind myself why I should start a fight at this point.

So, I have to pat myself on my shoulder, thanks for the reminder. I promise improvement in this area.

This passion thing again

07f1afdb7e499306635943a0eadb79afSo, they tell you to work hard, to love and enjoy your work. Later is easy when your work is your passion. Even the bible says says to find a purpose in your work.
Ok, now you are doing all of that, but what if your boss is still not happy and/or your salary is still not covering your family’s expenses. How can you reach something in life when you feel like a failure all the time? It feels like whatever you do, no matter how hard you work, no matter how passionate you are about your work, it is never enough. How can you support a family with that?
Keep the faith, keep learning in your field of interest, don’t crash your ego or self-confidence.
However, should I question my passion again? I find it hard to always strive for more or higher things. I don’t mind being a student for life, but when do you actually practice what u have learned? When is it actually enough what we know? Are we as an organization striving for something that hasn’t been done before? That’s why we need to learn and apply new things. Could be the answer.
I’m just about to reach work. Learning statistics again.
Love my boys … Peace out!

The cake experiment

Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Black-And-White-Outline-Design-Of-A-Girl-Baking-Cookies-10241044540Today I can report kind of a a success in terms of baking in Fiji. The challenges I am facing here and now are:

  • ingredients
  • utensils
  • time
  • husband/family

Whats the issue with ingredients? I am sure when I look for them I will find what I need, except “quark” I believe. However, prices are different here and I don’t have time and the mobility (car) to check around. So I go for the stuff that is currently available to me and try my best with it.

What’s the issue with utensils? To be frank, I don’t have a mixer, no oven … Just not the tools for baking I’m used to. So, we improvise, no problem. And it almost look like we don’t need all those fancy tools. To mix the ingredients, a fork does the job too. For baking we put the mix into a pot. And this pot is put into another pot on stones. And then on the stove. Just add grease paper and butter and you should be fine.

What’s the issue with time? My current baking time is not the usual time I got taught from my mum. Here I either bake 5:30am in the morning or Sunday 5pm. So far so good, just different I guess 😉

What’s the issue with husband and family? There is this imaginary pressure of proving myself to my husband and in laws. First I should be good in cooking as I’m old enough to have experience. Secondly, I’m from Germany and we do all kind of cakes and cookies. High expectations? Yes, because that’s what I expect from myself.

Yesterdays cake was a success, as I am very close to find the right settings. Husband is happy and I even would have the confidence to present it to my in laws. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture but will do in future along my baking and cooking journey here in Fiji.
Peace out!

My confidence

859677_10200094397937378_1323995973_oI want my self-confidence back. Firstly, confidence is sexy. (words borrowed from my husband). Secondly, it would give me more stability, better posture and a clearer mind. The question is now how. I need to stop feeling pity for myself. What happened in the past happened. I can’t change that anymore. I have to acknowledge that. And my past is not full of mistakes, I had success and good times as well. I should embrace that.
I need to live now and plan, budget and save for the future. If I can get my family involved the better.
Let’s do it day by day. On a daily basis I won’t let anyone put me down. Daily I will plan and review. No doubt anymore and no worries.
It’s another start into a new week today. I will face it with all its up and downs.
Peace out!

Emptying the mind

One of my resolutions for this year was to write on my blog on a daily basis. Why I did come up with this? I’m a person who thinks a lot and does most of the talking inside. I even hold my baby boy in my arms and talk to him in my mind. But I should talk to him through my mouth, so he actually can hear my voice. I don’t think he can read my mind. That’s a good assumption, isn’t it? Even my husband needs to remind me from time to time that I should talk to him. And I think, “I do”, but then I notice that I just talk to him in my mind.
My mind is very busy. Also, I’m not used to have people around me being a single child and most of the time during the last 10-15 years I lived by myself.
Finally I am aware of that and I definitely want to change that. Surely I will keep some stuff for myself, or work-related issue stay at work and family issues stay in the family. But what I want to do is to empty my mind if possible and appropriate using the blog and/or Facebook. Then I can focus on talking to my son and my husband. I can talk about that matters to them and myself.
However, I’m obviously not consistent, as I had planned to do that on a daily basis. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it and I think that is ok. I like writing down my ideas and thoughts. It’s not really about sharing them, it’s more about getting them out of my head.
Today was one of those days where it just didn’t happen as planned. But now, in the evening hours, I still try to squeeze something out of my brain cells as lot of things are going on, work and family-wise. Therefore you might see some post that don’t really have a story, meaning or sense. I believe it is kind of a habit. So if I just keep going the writings will make more sense and hopefully something will come out of all this effort.

Does that make sense?

Good night and peace out!