Tag Archives: mind

Powerlessness

Just finished reading the book “the biology of belief”. It matches nicely my knowledge of cell biology with my spiritual level. And Lipton’s conclusion, that knowing doesn’t change anything. You have to actually do it to get results.
Do what, you might ask. I really can’t hear it anymore, but it’s like ” think positive”. It’s actually far more behind these two words.
The environment is the main influence on who you are and what you do. But are you able to change the environment, so it influences you in a way you want to be influenced?
So, why the title “powerlessness”? My reaction to some environmental signals seem out of my control and I take things very personally and shut down. I don’t want to fight or argue, but I also don’t agree with everything. Then I shut down and say nothing. Just to avoid any further tension. This is not really helping to solve problems.
This feeling of being powerless is not how I want to feel. Where is that strong independent woman most people see in me? Should I toughen up even more? I’m a mother of a beautiful son, and I feel that I can show my love the first time. I’m usually not a person who shows feeling, but with the birth of Franz, things have changed a bit. Out of my control … At least it feels like it. Maybe something out of my sub consciousness.
That seems to be a good topic to meditate about.

Love you Mark & Franz

Emptying the mind

One of my resolutions for this year was to write on my blog on a daily basis. Why I did come up with this? I’m a person who thinks a lot and does most of the talking inside. I even hold my baby boy in my arms and talk to him in my mind. But I should talk to him through my mouth, so he actually can hear my voice. I don’t think he can read my mind. That’s a good assumption, isn’t it? Even my husband needs to remind me from time to time that I should talk to him. And I think, “I do”, but then I notice that I just talk to him in my mind.
My mind is very busy. Also, I’m not used to have people around me being a single child and most of the time during the last 10-15 years I lived by myself.
Finally I am aware of that and I definitely want to change that. Surely I will keep some stuff for myself, or work-related issue stay at work and family issues stay in the family. But what I want to do is to empty my mind if possible and appropriate using the blog and/or Facebook. Then I can focus on talking to my son and my husband. I can talk about that matters to them and myself.
However, I’m obviously not consistent, as I had planned to do that on a daily basis. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it and I think that is ok. I like writing down my ideas and thoughts. It’s not really about sharing them, it’s more about getting them out of my head.
Today was one of those days where it just didn’t happen as planned. But now, in the evening hours, I still try to squeeze something out of my brain cells as lot of things are going on, work and family-wise. Therefore you might see some post that don’t really have a story, meaning or sense. I believe it is kind of a habit. So if I just keep going the writings will make more sense and hopefully something will come out of all this effort.

Does that make sense?

Good night and peace out!

Telling stuff

Sometimes, actually most of the times, my head is full with stuff. Stuff I want to express, write down and tell the world. It’s all said in my head, the whole story told. But when it comes to writing it down here or talking to someone, it’s all like crap. The words I want to use don’t exist, the stuff is said in 2 sentences and it doesn’t have the impact on me as when it still was in my head.
However, I still have the inner urge to get it out. Quality can come later … It’s not a beauty contest anyway and it will never be.

So, the first paragraph is written to make the statement and now I forgot what I was actually grumbling about in my head, great. What I’ve already learnt before is, saying that I will keep the writing for later won’t work, as the circumstances won’t be the same anymore and the point I wanted to make is pointless.

Let’s wait for the next stuff attack then.